This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
