i just sent this text using only my big toe
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You left your phone here
Wait...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
