I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize