The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
