News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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