Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
