I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
