It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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