More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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