OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
