You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
