I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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