Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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