you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
