If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
