I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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