tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
