Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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