Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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