I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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