i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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