at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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