You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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