And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
