If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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