I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
