idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
