I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize