In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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