someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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