I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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