I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
