Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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