if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
