come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
