He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
