So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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