I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
