let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
