you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
