I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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