Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
