dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
