I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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