dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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