I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
