hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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