Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize