if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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