so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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