Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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