Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
