I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
