I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
