As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
