what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize