I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
