Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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