i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
