please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
