Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
