I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
