I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
