You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
