i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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