you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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