Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize